just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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