Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
