what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
