Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
