So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
