my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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