I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
