So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
