i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
