I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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