How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
