Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
