i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize