Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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