Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
