im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
