i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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