Don't you send me to vm
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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