You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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