I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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