about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
