In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize