My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
