I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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