I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
