I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
