dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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