If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
