Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She told me I should be a condom model.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize