I love black thongs
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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