I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
