somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
