i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
