youre lurking in front of me
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
it was like eating out sand paper
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize