i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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