i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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