the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize
