Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I have aggressive nipples.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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