i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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