Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hippo gnu deer
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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