In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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