we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
