i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm at about main and main street
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
