just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
