The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
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