it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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