Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
