im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
