i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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