I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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