In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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