Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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