She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
