If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
