I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
