ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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