playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
