Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
