Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
