mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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