Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
