My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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