He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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