I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I have aggressive nipples.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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