have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
