Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
