I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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