Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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