Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
