i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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