call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
