At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
