I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
