Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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