I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
