We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
the liver wants what the liver wants
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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