Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
