My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
