god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
