I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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