Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Michael Bay diarrhea
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
