; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
