Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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