You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
