ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
