i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
