I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
