I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
