like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My liver just had a heart attack.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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