he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
