btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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